NeuBurger

We be pleased, very pleased to offer you our new grilled sandwich:

The BLT-bub

It's more than a regular BLT. Grilled and served with French-Fires™, what makes the BLT-bub™ simply Devilish is the Devil Sauce™ we have added.

Get em while you can't.

PhatBoing Slim

Q: How many fat people does it take to fill the seats of a bus which seats 100 people?
A: 100 quarter-fats = 25.

Q: Who's really fat?
A: Your mother probably is.

Q: Why did the fat man go to the gym?
A: Because, two weeks earlier, he got heartburn and it gave him a scare so he decided to change his slobbo ways.

Q: How many fat people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One in general, possibly 2 if the light is in a precarious place, or maybe if the person changing the lightbulb has to use nearby lights to locate the broken bulb, and then remain there while another person switches off the circuit breaker, plunging the two of them into darkness. No more than 2. Unless a third person is required to manage "burger duty".

Howling is now more gummy

Back in 1996, I decided to stop cleaning my teeth since I was not happy about murdering plaque bacteria, which is, after all, innocent life.

Anyway, yesterday all of my teeth finally fell out.

Souled!

Last night saw the first in a new series of GyroTV's own auction programme, "Flogged to Debt" in which a valiantly-fought competition yielded one of the most exciting games to date. The red team eventually won, albeit with a less-than-inspiring £5.50 profit overall. The blue team made a massive loss, and ended up having to hand over £1200 to cover the costs. Bad luck, blues!

Driving on 9 Points

Yesterday, as I drove to the Gyro Council early in the morning, I mused on the fact that, in the 30 years I have been driving on Britain's roads, I have not once caused or even been involved in an accident, save for a couple of superficially damaging scrapes caused by women's inherent lack of spatial awareness.

My mental celebrations were short-lived; by 5pm I was driving home having been directly responsible for three deaths and a retardation (and a real pride-beating, I can tell you).

one of us owns a sweet shop
one of us has a gun
one of us wants to eat lots
one of us has a gun

which of us will leave alive?
which of us has the gun?
whichever one of us escapes
must surely have the gun

and now I leave blood-laden floor
I'll claim it self-defence
and munch upon these PEZ pellets
which through my gun dispense.

Lie Belle