What's Your Weasel?

Beef is rather a fatty meat. Although a good source of protein, excessive consumption can lead to obesity, blocked arteries, Aids, cancer, paedophilia, necromancy and blocked toilets due to hugely behemoth lumpy bloody shit torpedoes. Obviously, this is somewhat ‘far out’ and ‘heinous’, and not in the least ‘rad’ or ‘gnarly’.

The Geographic Institution for Malady Prevention through the Society for Healthy Improvements in Taste (GIMPSHIT) has identified the lowly weasel as a viable alternative to good ol’ cow. Significantly leaner, weasel meat reportedly tastes only slightly blander than it’s bovine predecessor. Furthermore, it can be cut into precisely the same parts (though scaled down) as cow can, including topside of weasel and shoulder of weasel. When prices per lb of weasel come down – which they almost certainly will following the introduction of weasel grazing - here are a few dishes you can expect to see on your pathetic gaunt little plates:

Weasel stew
Weasel jerky
Corned weasel on toast
Barbequed weasel ribs
Weasel kebabs
Bovril with weasel extract
Weasel burgers
Weasel bolognaise
Weasel Wellington
Weasel steak
Flank of weasel
Ground weasel
Weasel and onion crisps

Musclemen will eventually be referred to as “Weaselcakes”. Bart Simpson will be telling everyone – in that cheeky way he does – to “have a weasel, man”, and one will soon be able to add bits to one’s business presentation in order to “weasel it up”.