Sky Rocket Surprise, Afternoon Demise

Since last week’s titillating recipe for “Spadge Snapple”, I have been inundated with requests to make recipes such as this a regular feature. Well, this week, I do in fact have a rather good recipe for “Chicken Soup Surprise”. This dish is amazingly popular around the world. You may recognise it under one of its many international pseudonyms:

“Mein Gott Gegrillte Bratwurst”
“Sacre Bleu Crêpes”
“You’re Shitting Me Snags”
“Bullshit Beefballs”
“Fuck me! Flambé”
“Mr Lai’s Lychee Lie”

Here’s the very simple recipe:

1. Take two slits of bread, preferably brown. If you have no bread, you can substitute with two slices of brad, a beard, 3 bards or an ill-bred child

2. Take six Brussel Sprouts, and lightly bruise them, as you would your wife when she’s pissed you off for being upset and indulgent about her mother’s slow, boring death

3. Leave the sprouts for one day out in the sun

4. Take the sprouts, carefully place between the bread. Do not butter!

5. Firmly press until mash

6. Throw the fucker away away

And there you have it. The perfect meal to give to friends at a dinner party where you reveal your terminal Aids condition. Or maybe a nice entrée for a potential rape victim. Enjoy!