Olympic Grimes

At this time of British back-slapp and enflamed Frenchgloat, let us not find ourselves in the for-ghettos of Forgetsville. Muse a while on those unsung heroes of yestergames, who, quite frankly, were taking part in games deemed too silly for BBC coverage:


Dolph Hittler: A man less like his almost-namesake you could not expect to meet. Black-skinned, blond-haired, bald, with absolutely no blond moustache, 23-year-old Hittler stunned the crowds of the German Games in 1936 by losing to Poland in the 400 metres. Defeat followed defeat in all of the track events, until an unlikely victory against the British secured a very strange gold indeed.

Hendrix McFlavourdd: Won an award for typical British sportsmanship in the Games of 1946, held in London’s very own London. Due to take part in the mens’ 100 metres, McFlavourdd’s race very nearly clashed with his son’s sports day at school. In an unprecedented move of professionalism and touching fathergreat, the athlete took part in and won the parents’ egg and spoon race, carried on running the 10 miles to the Olympic Stadium, and joined the race just as the starting pistol fired its blanks all over the sky.

James Metalux: Threw a record wobbly of 3 hours 42 minutes at the 1952 Games. The record, which is still unbeaten, stemmed from a decision in the men’s 400 metres, in which the false-start linesman was himself accused of false-starting his false-start call, long before it was due.